Title: Batman: The Movie Director: Leslie H. Martinson Staring: Adam West, Burt Ward Aspect Ratio: 1.85:1 Studio: 20th Century Fox MSRP: 9.95 Genre(s): Action/Comedy Rated: (For themetic elements)

Ah, the spin-off movie from the "classic" 60's television camp series "Batman," starring Adam "I sound like I'm saying something important but I'm really not" West and Burt "Everything in this world is holy" Ward. THIS brings back a lot of childhood memories! I remember when I was eight years old, watching "Batman" everyday at 4:00pm on ABC (before Disney bought the network and decided to try their hand at making soap opera's), and loving every minute of it. It was the show that made me want to be Batman when I grew up, and I was crushed when the show went away. These days I'm no longer a kid, and watching the old "Batman" TV series proves to be a very different experience these days. While this incarnation of Batman was cool when I was eight, at the age of twenty the show is a very different animal from what I remember it to be. The story of "Batman: The Movie" (such as it is) is that the four big bad foes of Batman (Joker, Riddler, Penguin, and Catwoman), have all banded together to take over the world. How do they plan to do this? By turning the leaders of all the different nations into dust and creating their own worldwide rule.

If Tim Burton (or even Bruce Timm) was directing this movie then you could see how this could be a very valid plan, but since this is based off the 60's television show you just know that this idea won't pose any real threat to the world. Why not? Well for starters, the politicians in this movie are complete morons (just like real politicians are), and from what the villains vision of world order sounds like (what little you hear of it), you get the feeling that what the villains came up with sounds like a better plan than anything the leaders of the world came up with. I know, that's not supposed to happen, but 60's liberal TV villains always did seem to have a knack for knowing how future events would play out. The other thing that pulls this story out of a potentially serious situation are the villains themselves. All of them are too goofy and dumb for us to think that they will even come CLOSE to pulling off their plan! After all, these are the same clowns who where Ninja Turtle colored masks, despite the fact that everyone in Gotham City would recognize these bozo's with OR without the masks (especially Joker, seeing as how there are very few people running around with white faces and gay colored purple suits). One thing I will give the villains credit for is the fact that they are actually very "hands on" with their world domination plans. Whenever it is time to face Batman and Robin head on, Joker, Riddler, and Penguin are all in there, slugging it out with their lackeys.

The original Dynamic Duo in action.

You've got to respect that sort of bravery, as most of these villains in the comics and other incarnations would simply be putting their escape plan into motion by now. Yet here they are, in the most ridiculous Batman movie ever made, fighting it out personally. Well, everyone except for Catwoman that is. Since this movie is a product from the 60's it should come as no surprise that it is politically incorrect to hit a woman (even more so than today). Therefore during the fights (ALL of them), Catwoman doesn't fight anyone, deciding simply to sit on the sidelines and hiss and stick out her fingers. I'm not sure why she's doing this, as this (naturally) does nothing to help the situation. What's even more hilarious is that Catwoman ultimately does very little in the movie. No fighting, no planning, and no doing any dirty work (though she does complain...a lot). In fact, the only useful thing Catwoman does is lure Bruce Wayne into a kidnaping trap as "Ms. Kitka" (get it). Meanwhile Joker is creating weapons made out of props, Riddler is launching special riddle missiles, and Penguin has created a huge nuclear submarine (which, not surprisingly, carries everything BUT nukes)! Is any of this making sense to you guys yet?

Don't worry, I'm not sure it's supposed to. "Batman: The Movie" is kind of a like a full length, live action version of those cheap "Superfriends" shows. The puns are bad, the acting is questionable (okay, EXTREMELY questionable), and the action...dear God the action is a whole other issue all together. I swear, when I was younger the battles in this movie were pretty darn cool to watch. The hitting, the kicking, the pows, and the Batman theme all melded together, and I used to always get caught up in the heat of the moment. Watching the battles now makes me wish I could still watch them with the eyes of a child again. Watching punches and kicks (that don't actually hit anyone now that I think of it) accompanied by corny "pows" and "zonks" just isn't cool anymore. Not only are these fights corny to an adult, but kids have now been exposed to so much darker fights in other Batman movies, that the fights in this movie are going to come off as corny to anyone. Granted, during a drinking party with friends it might be easier to watch these fights and laugh at them BECAUSE they are so silly, but when you see someone accidentally punch a wall and have the word "yeoch!" spread accross the screen, you're most likely going to roll your eyes and groan! The only thing that plays as big a role in this movie as much as the fights are the gadgets. Batman has such gadgets as the batarang, the bat rope, the Batmobile, a pair of bat gloves, a couple of bat poles, a bat radio...the list just goes on, and on.

Back when bad guys didn't have Hollywood making costumes for them.

It's enough to drive you bats...er, crazy. Yes, there is almost nothing to speak of in this movie. In many ways the movie is a train wreck, one that you can't take seriously at all, and a movie that you can't even watch with a straight face most of the time. I really should despise this movie with every fiber in my body. And yet here I am, watching a movie that hasn't aged very well, and loving it for what it is. This movie is not a motion picture, but just a fun "shut your brain off" movie. Probably one of the best ones ever made even. I know right now the "shut your brain off" genre mainly consists of stupid action films like "XXX" and "Gone In 60 Seconds" these days, but "Batman: The Movie" REALLY asks you to shut your brain off while giving you brilliant humor at the same time! There are so many scenes that made me smile and laugh so hard, that while you find yourself embarrassed to be watching some of the stuff that's occurring on screen, you always watch it with a smile and sometimes a chuckle or two. One of my favorite scenes involves Batman and Robin going to a bar to capture the villains they're after, only to find a lit bomb waiting for them. Keep in mind this is not a realistic bomb, but simply a cartoony Looney Toons style bomb. Since Batman is the man of justice it's up to him to dispose of the bomb.

However that proves to be much easier said then done, as wherever Batman goes to get rid of the bomb, there is always something (or someone) there, preventing him from disposing of the bomb at that spot. After five minutes of running around with no luck of getting rid of this pesky annoyance, he gets the best line in the whole movie, as he frustratingly says "Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." Another scene I love is when Batman is trying to lower himself onto a boat from his Batcopter (*groans*). Well this is all fine and good, but when he actually tries to step onto the boat he discovers that the boat is nothing more than a simple illusion, and instead steps into the water. When Batman comes out of the water to his shock there is a shark biting onto his leg. When Batman fails to kick the shark off (which is saying something since most sharks would have torn his whole leg off by now), he orders Robin to hand him the "Shark Repellent" spray, and after two sprays the shark falls off and blows up. Are scenes like this mindless? Yes, there is no possible way they could be anything but. Are they brilliant in their own way? Absolutely! A REAL "shut your brain off" movie is the kind of movie that has a certain level of brilliance despite the fact that there's really nothing good about it.

Fighting for the hearing impared

"Batman: The Movie" is a shining example of this. Still, despite the fact that I enjoyed my revisitation of "Batman: The Movie" (albeit, for entirely different reasons then I remember), it is hard to recommend this movie to people who are not familiar with the TV show this was based off of. It's overly corny, it's kooky, the pacing of this movie is so darn pokey, and the movie is probably a bit too long for a "shut your brain off" movie. This movie is just a few minutes shy of two hours long. By the time you get to the climax of the film (which is the big battle on top of the submarine) you have had just about enough puns and lame jokes to last you a week, and yet the film goes on for another twelve or so minutes, just because there had to be one more tiny twist that puts the fate of the world on Batmans shoulders (or, in this case, the Batcomputer). By this point in the film we really, REALLY don't care about the world anymore, and we've most likely had all the fun we could have gotten from this film! In the commentary for this film, Adam West reveals that this movie was originally made to launch the TV show, but the TV show got on the air first so this movie was then made to cash in on the success of the show. Somehow this doesn't surprise me. This movie looks like it cost about the same as one thirty minute TV episode, and features no improvements as far as acting or special effects go (the story was never a priority with the show).

Right now the TV show is currently in a legal battle between 20th Century Fox and Warner Bros. (who are disputing who should make what kind of money off it now), and therefor is neither on TV or DVD. This means that for many people of this generation, this movie will be their first impression of the 60's TV show. Will they like it? Doubtful. The show hasn't aged very well, and unless people go into this knowing that it's supposed to be a comedy, then most people (mostly kids) will be confused as to what it is their seeing. Heck, one of the biggest reasons people love Batman is because he is such a dark and complex character, and the recent TV shows and movies have hammered that into everyone's heads, as even the stuff made for kids is darker then your usual kiddie fare. With how Batman's image has been built up for the last twenty years, I have very little faith that people who are only familiar with the newer Batman movies can watch this and enjoy the movie for what it really is, which is a funny, if not corny popcorn film. Still, this movie, for better or for worse, is a relic from a different time and place.

- -Review By Kevin T. Rodriguez- -