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Title: Fantastic Four
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| CONSUMER ADVICE |
Parents will want to keep in mind that while "Fantastic Four" is a VERY mild PG-13 rated film, the movie does contain some mild language, some intense action sequences, some sexual remarks, and a running joke that Sue Storm has to be naked to be invisable (otherwise everyone can see her cloaths). People who would find this film entertaining will most likely be in the minority here, as "Fantastic Four" feels like a stupid movie made for stupid people. |
There is both some good news and bad news about the new "Fantastic Four" movie. The good news is that this movie isn't "Catwoman." The bad news is this movie’s almost "Catwoman." With a non-existent story, dopey acting, and so-so special effects, not only is "Fantastic Four" far from fantastic, it reminds us that comic book movies can still turn out to be complete turds in the wrong hands. It's hard to know exactly where to start when discussing what doesn't work with "Fantastic Four," but the fact that you're not exactly sure where to start may be a good place to start. After all, when you find yourself unable to think of a place to start, you realize that the movie must be pretty messed up if you can't even start with the most basic of things you don't like.
I would like to start with the story, but the story isn't even really worth mentioning. It's about nothing more than five people who get caught up in an experiment gone wrong. Four members decide to fight for good, while one of the members decides he wants to be evil and take over the world. All of the family members have one problem or another, with the common problem being that they are all big morons. Johnny Storm in particular will get nominated for a Razzie Award for "Worst Performance of the Year," as his acting can hardly be called anything but that. Johnny gets his fire powers, and instead of ever stopping to worry about the effects this might have on his body, he spends the whole movie being a cocky jerk who doesn't seem to realize just how annoying and self-centered he really is. Reed Richards is the kind of scientist who understands physics, statistics, and machines, but is clueless when it comes to women. Sue Storm is the love interest of Reed Richards and nothing more. Victor Von Doom is the evil bad guy who wants to take over the world and nothing more. Stan Lee makes a guest appearance as the mailman and nothing more. The characters walk around pretending that they are doing important things, they have an all-too-convenient misunderstanding with each other, and then we reach the climax of the film (which is about as anticlimatic as you can get these days).
I'm sorry, but what do you guys want me to tell you? As you can clearly see, this is a movie that has been made many times over, with the only exception being that this one features superheroes instead of everyday Joes. The only character that truly gets any sort of emotional baggage is Ben Grimm as The Thing. Seeing as how he's the only person who ends up looking like a freak of nature, it is natural that he would be the one member of the team who would be less than thrilled with his new set of powers. In fact, if it weren't for The Thing, this movie would be a total loss.
In a movie where no one seems to have any ulterior motives but to bask in the spotlight, Ben Grimm simply wants to be normal again. He's labeled as the mascot of the group, some people fear him, his wife (in a flat scene) gives him back his wedding ring, and simple everyday things like eating with forks become a problem. The rubber suit is also surprisingly convincing, and while you always know it's a suit (if only because we are aware of how Hollywood makes these kinds of things), it sure does look very nice. But even his story has a few problems. The resolution about his wife is one such example. Here she his, his wife of so many years, seeing her husband as a rock creature. Admittedly, her initial reaction is no surprise so I'll forgive her for freaking out at first. But then she sees her husband, as The Thing, save a fire truck from falling off Brooklyn Bridge, proving that he still has a heart of gold, and knowing Dr. Reed, a cure will be found for their condition soon enough. And she takes off her wedding ring? Personally, I felt more sorry for Ben... sorry that he didn't pick a better wife. But that's okay, as a blind woman is introduced to Ben as his new love interest (since she can only feel his emotions and not see his face, I guess this makes sense). This woman is in the movie for a good five minutes. We go through all the motions, and then we get to the big fight with Doctor Doom, which is about twenty-two minutes long.
The ending, as mentioned before, is about as anticlimatic as you can get, leaving you with the feeling that there will be a "Fantastic Four 2" coming out in a couple of years (which, surprise, surprise, it is). There was one memorable thing of this whole "Fantastic Four" experience though, and it came in the form of the ticket I got:
As you can clearly see, "Fantastic Four" must have certainly confused someone who was working at the movie theater, because they apparently didn't realize that there was a fourth member of the Fantastic Four in the movie. So what does this say about the quality of the movie? Well, not much to be completely honest with you. I COULD make jokes about this mistake (at this poor fool’s expense), but I see no reason to! I could also pick apart specific scenes in the movie as if they were toothpicks, but I see no reason to do that either. Right now, word-of-mouth has gotten out on how bad this film is, and despite the huge box office revenue (which made sure Fox green-lit another movie in the series, which will be released in a couple of years), many people seem to agree that they have little to no interest in seeing any more "Fantastic Four" movies if they're all going to be like this one. I, for one, agree. If future "Fantastic Four" movies are as lifeless as this one, then I have no interest in seeing them.
- -Review By Kevin T. Rodriguez- -